Open in app

Sign In

Write

Sign In

Matthew David Brozik
Matthew David Brozik

1.5K Followers

Home

Books

About

Featured Book

Odder Space
Odder Space

ODDER SPACE is a humorous upper middle grade sci-fi novel with spaceships, aliens, phlazer battles, and an AI with a serious morale problem.

2022

·
Matthew David Brozik
Matthew David Brozik

Stories

Published in

How Pants Work

·Pinned

I’ve Done My Own Research and Concluded That Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk Was Staged

(With David Waghalter) — I don’t know what you’ve been doing for the past 38 years, but I’ve spent much of that time at home analyzing the so-called “footage” of what many people consider to be a “cultural milestone.” After keeping my suspicions to myself for nearly four decades, I am finally ready to…

Humor

3 min read

I’ve Done My Own Research and Concluded That Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk Was Staged
I’ve Done My Own Research and Concluded That Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk Was Staged
Humor

3 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·Aug 31

Five Questions for United States Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)

This is getting old. “Mitch McConnell freezes, struggles to speak in second incident this summer.” CNBC, August 30, 2023 “Sen. Dianne Feinstein told to ‘just say aye’ in awkward Senate committee moment.” NBC News, July 27, 2023 MODERATOR Thank you, Senators, for joining us today and for being willing to offer…

Humor

2 min read

Five Questions for United States Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Senator Dianne…
Five Questions for United States Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Senator Dianne…
Humor

2 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·Aug 24

Alas, Now We’ll Never Know How to Pronounce “PDF”

Those that fail to learn from his story, etc. “John Warnock, Inventor of the PDF, Dies at 82” — The New York Times, August 24, 2023. Apparently, we didn’t learn anything from the last great debate over the proper pronunciation of a popular technical term, because even though John Warnock…

Humor

2 min read

Alas, Now We’ll Never Know How to Pronounce “PDF”
Alas, Now We’ll Never Know How to Pronounce “PDF”
Humor

2 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·May 30

To Weather the Current Economic Climate, the Two Wolves Inside You Have Taken on a Roommate

Things have gotten so expensive recently! How expensive are they? you ask. But this is no joke. Those two wolves that live inside you — the one that is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego; and the one that…

Humor

3 min read

To Weather the Current Economic Climate, the Two Wolves Inside You Have Taken on a Roommate
To Weather the Current Economic Climate, the Two Wolves Inside You Have Taken on a Roommate
Humor

3 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·May 19

The Software of My 2022 Kia Niro Was Updated Recently, and Now It Takes Diesel Only

Well, this is awkward and also confusing. — When I decided a year ago to retire my 2008 Audi A4 3.2 Quattro — a fine vehicle with a prodigious thirst for premium unleaded gasoline — I chose to lease a new Kia Niro, principally because the Niro is an all-electric vehicle, but also because the car came with…

Humor

3 min read

The Software of My 2022 Kia Niro Was Updated Recently, and Now It Takes Diesel Only
The Software of My 2022 Kia Niro Was Updated Recently, and Now It Takes Diesel Only
Humor

3 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·May 19

Keep Reaching for the Space!

ODDER SPACE is now available in hardcover — What’s that you say? Hardcovers usually come before paperbacks? I know! I read books! I wanted Odder Space to be affordable as well as enjoyable, however, which is why I originally published it in paperback. BUT… I’ve been hearing that Odder Space makes a great gift (and I agree, it…

Fiction

1 min read

Keep Reaching for the Space!
Keep Reaching for the Space!
Fiction

1 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·Mar 14

All the Names I Took Over Years of Kicking Ass May Have Been Exposed in a Data Breach

I urge you to take steps to avoid use of this information — Dear [REDACTED]: I’m writing to inform you of a recent security incident involving my records of asses kicked and names taken. This notification is being sent pursuant to various state, national, and international laws and because I genuinely feel bad about what happened. As you know — though you might…

Humor

4 min read

All the Names I Took Over Years of Kicking Ass May Have Been Exposed in a Data Breach
All the Names I Took Over Years of Kicking Ass May Have Been Exposed in a Data Breach
Humor

4 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·Feb 22

Doily Affirmations

You are simple, but beautiful. You are flimsy, but you have an inner strength. You are not merely ornamental. You are instrumental. You are a placemat, not a doormat. You are a napkin, not a diaper. You are not cheap. You are inexpensive and priceless. You are transparent, but not…

Humor

1 min read

Doily Affirmations
Doily Affirmations
Humor

1 min read


Published in

How Pants Work

·Jan 30

If We Don’t Change Course Soon, Tuesday Will Be Upon Us

Are you afraid? No? Well, you should be. — “The world is closer to catastrophe than ever: the Doomsday Clock, the metaphorical measure of challenges to humanity, was reset to 90 seconds before midnight on Tuesday.” — NPR, January 24, 2023. I don’t know who needs to hear this, except, really, I do know, and it’s everyone. You, me…

Humor

4 min read

If We Don’t Change Course Soon, Tuesday Will Be Upon Us
If We Don’t Change Course Soon, Tuesday Will Be Upon Us
Humor

4 min read


Jan 1

Anxiety

(December 31, 2022) — If it weren’t for the irony of spending so much time in your own head, which otherwise might be a pleasant enough location, a magazine of hopes and dreams and standup routines, but has become a prison without walls, where the warden’s creativity and imagination turn every single tingle, twitch…

Anxiety

1 min read

Anxiety
Anxiety
Anxiety

1 min read

Matthew David Brozik

Matthew David Brozik

1.5K Followers

Book Author

Novelist. Copywriter. Lawyer. Lone punman. Visit imdb.name

Following
  • Adam Overland

    Adam Overland

  • Harsh Darji

    Harsh Darji

  • Devorah Blachor

    Devorah Blachor

  • Max Barth - maxbarth.substack.com

    Max Barth - maxbarth.substack.com

  • Rabbi Nikki DeBlosi (she/her)

    Rabbi Nikki DeBlosi (she/her)

See all (35)

Help

Status

Writers

Blog

Careers

Privacy

Terms

About

Text to speech

Teams